So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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