so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
