i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
MIDGETS
????
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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