She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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