1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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