I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
