i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
