Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
