So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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