if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
