summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is wine microwaveable?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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