cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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