I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
