we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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