If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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