I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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