My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
