you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
