She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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