I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
