I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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