if i can run in heels then i can drive
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
