when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
