Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
