Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
