im six kinds of drunk right now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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