new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
