you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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