Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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