I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
