Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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