She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
