I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
