i just google imaged poop.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
