i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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