apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
