The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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