I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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