I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
