I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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