Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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