just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's blow job season.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize