i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
