I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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