i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize