it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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