I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
