Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
