I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
