People in love make me want to vomit
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize