I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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