Your face is a jimmy john
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
