I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
