can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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