ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
