she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
