I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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