Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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