There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if only i could text you this smell
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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