About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
