Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
