Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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