mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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