Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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