I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize