so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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