Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
