Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
