You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
