i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
