Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
operation have a gay friend backfired
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
