dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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