I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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