Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
