we have pet lesbian snakes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have feelings that need drinking.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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