i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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