awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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