i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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