Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
