so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize