Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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