all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
