Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
