My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
