Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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