You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I could fuck to npr.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
