This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize