I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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