You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
