My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
