I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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