i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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